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wow 56 k modems are
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HDD maintenance... or not
It's like a car, maintain it!
By Red Squirrel


When grinding the screws, you want to smooth it out to make sure there's no head left, that way the cover will simply slide off nicely. If you happened to get screws that actually did unscrew, then that's a bonus,less grinding means less chance of getting a spark in the eye. Safety is all about prevention.


Grinded Screw

Open cover


Now that we have the hard drive cover off, it's time to start cleaning, however, this is also a good time to partition your drive. Plug it in to a molex connector and turn on the power supply or computer, while the disk platter is spinning, choose how big you want each partition. This will have to be an estimate, however, you can go precise if you want, by using a measuring tape and calculating how much a circle mm is worth in MB. But in this case we just want a bunch of partitions, so apply the sharp object on the platter and press down firmly while it is spinning, you will hear a loud noise as the sharp object punctures the data layer of the disk. When the head encounters such an area, it will automatically detect that it is the end of the partition, and that there is another after the crack. This is why partitions actually take up a bit of space even when empty, some rumors say it has to do with the file allocation table, but it is actually because of this gap between partitions.


Partitioning

Defragmenting


Now that we partitioned the drive, we also made a little mess, that's no problem since now it's time for the defrag and clean it all up. Use the power of vim to kill 99.9% of all bacteria and dirt that may be in your hard drive. Use a clean rag to wipe it off and use plenty of water. This also gets rid of any viruses you may have, Vim is chemically proven to remove 99.9% of these viruses.

After cleaning, we simply need to lube it up nicely by using WD-40 to spray where the shaft is, this may be hard to reach unless you have your trusty WD-40 extension straw. If you get some on the platters, wipe it off with your fingers, as this causes files to slip away and end up at the other end of the platter and sometimes even fly off and get caught in the casing somewhere. This is why you'll sometimes find your windows files somewhere on your last partition. Too much lube on the platter.

Now that we did our partitioning and defrag, and lube, we're all set to put the cover back on. Since screws get too tight overtime, you can just use a bit of glue and it will do the job, or if you want a cool mod, just keep the cover off.

Also, something I forgot to mention is that you might want to backup your data before doing this. But it's not a big deal really.

Also, if you did not realize that this article is a joke, it is highly recommended that you see a doctor. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!! (or at work) Just the fact of opening a hard drive has chances of making it unusable, this is due to the different air pressure inside that is specific to avoid the head from touching the disk surface. The platter turns at 7500rpm in most cases, sometimes even higher, this is higher then most car engines can handle without possibly damaging the engine. This area is usually marked as red on the dashboard. A car usually goes at around 1000rpm when idle.

Hope you enjoyed this comedy article!

-Red Squirrel
Crazy Administrator




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23861 Hits Pages: [1] [2] 4 Comments
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Latest comments (newest first)
Posted by travis on August 08rd 2005 (17:19)
hahahahhahaha
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Posted by Triple6_wild on January 01th 2004 (01:23)
hmm i shoulda ziped most of my files then b4 cleaning huh? lol oh and good news ... my cats new name is crispy lmao
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Posted by Red Squirrel on January 01rd 2004 (09:35)
Hmmm, probably a bit too much wd-40. First time I tried it on a server, same thing happpened. Thankfully everything was archived in zip files, so it was easier to find after the disaster. em320.gif
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Posted by Triple6_wild on January 01rd 2004 (07:06)
hey ryan? seems your methed of cleaning the drive does not work good at all or i did somthing wrong ...

here is how i followed your instructions

1)i removed the case ok using a hammer and other tools you said and your right i did stripp every single screw and im now blind in 1 eye? damn sparks

2)i ran to the hospital and got a really sharp knife ... you know the ones the doctors use right? ... nothing but the best for my hard drive hehe
well my hand isnt that steady so well cutting the partitions i cut myself a few times ... lil blood on the drive ... think i can email it to blood drive banks?

3)well i had trouble getting vim but i did and im now 99.9% virus free wink.gif and i did the WD40

4) i loved the mod idea so i left the case off

now heres where it all went wrong

1) my cats keep sleeping in the computer and theres alot of hair in there now unsure.gif

2) i think i put to much WD40 in the wrong place and every time i turn on my computer i have to play 1306950 file pickup FILES GO EVERYWHERE (52 pickup with cards is fun compaired to 1306950 pickup with files)

3) umm is my computer supposed to smoke? i dont think my cat is supposed to smoke but well it was sleeping in the computer both started making funny noises and smokin? oh and i have no more power at my house cuz of it mad.gif

oh and a question? whats the saw for ... mabey i needed to use it to get the job done right

next time you can clean my computer and your paying for the repairs cuz it was your instructions bud

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